Some say motherhood is the proof that the female specie is the "nesting" kind....I'd say it's a manifestation of woman's nurturing side. Still, others (those who decide not to have children for diffferent intelligent reasons only known to them) plainly call it C-R-A-Z-Y!!!!
Well, in my case...you may call it super-megalocrazy since I have 4 of them, lovable gremlins! Josh is an excited freshman in HS, Jen likes to think of herself as a 'jaded' 7th grader, Jade is a smart, cautious 6th grader. And, of course, there's Joey...ever grinning super-enthusiastic first grader. Today was not just any other day for me. It started off just as usual, just as ordinarily...the early ringing of alarm clocks set at two different times, the scramble for the shower, bickerings over who gets the straightener or the curlers this morning, and the mad dash about the kitchen! And the usual sight of my youngest one still curled up in my bed. (He gets up from his bed when the morning chaos commences then climbs into our bed to snooze some more!)
Then, it's the littlest one's turn to get up and get ready for school. Wow! He was in cloud nine, saying how excited he was to have lunch in school...okay, I'll give him a week or two! He's going to change his mind after he has seen them all these first two weeks! Off to school he went and there my morning wound down to the longest day in my life--ever!
Whoever said, happiness is when the children finally flies the coop and you have your house to yourself again probably had a dozen unruly kids!!!! My youngest one is finally off to full-day school and I felt the house expand and swallow me! I was looking forward to this last year! Now, I spent the first two minutes smiling to myself....I have peace and quiet now...gee! One whole day! Oh, s--t! What am I going to do for one whole day? I'm not the shopping kind, nor am I the perfect housewife; far from it! I'd most likely drive around to avoid folding clothes! Ooooppps! That's supposed to be a secret!
The third minute came and I missed my kids...I missed yelling at them to pick up their feet...get off the phone...tidy up their rooms!!! I missed the shared jokes and the tantrums...I even missed the smell of those Pink cologne and Abercrombie perfume they spritz on all the time that I always tell them I hated! I was wallowing in first-day-of school separation anxiety! Me!!! I was counting the hours....and then they all came trooping in through the door! Oh, what relief! They know the way home!!!! (Kidding!)
After each of them kissed me 'hello', my heart settled down into a rhythmic pattern as if calming my raging hormones.....I see my kids everyday but today, I seemed to have truly SEEN them for who they are now as opposed to who and what I wanted them to be. This is another tiny epiphany for me today as I looked at them marching in from their present vocation---school. I am a mother, first and foremost...I try everyday to be "friends" with each of them, which, I tell you--could be a challenge half the time! I am starting to ease into my role as 'confidante' for both my girls and even Josh.
I have realized I just got through my first lesson of "letting go"...of letting my children become who they were meant to be. I am but a guide in this world and they are still God's in every sense of the word. I am not a perfect mother but having had four I had quick, on the job training. But nothing could prepare a mother, no matter how brave, to teach their kids how to "fly". Too often we, adults, do things that may make our childen want to fly "away". However, if we don't focus on the little imperfections...we would truly find bigger virtues blossom out of our children's day to day actions that would prove all those strained vocal chords have been worth it after all!
My kids may not be ready to fly yet and I'm not ready to let go all the way but today I have realized that their "ties" could be loosened a little bit so that they may have room to learn how to use their "wings". Just like the song, "Wind Beneath My Wings"....we, parents, are just that. We cannot fly our children's paths for them but we can teach them how to fly the course and avoid the various undercurrents if and when they ever find themselves in 'windy' territory! Funny I had to get to my 4th first-grader to realize that! But, at least, I finally "get" it!!!!
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